Bros Til The End
by postmodernismfan6669
Summary: Sonic the hedgehog and his best friend Jakob have what seems to be an average day until they hear an explosion outside!
1. Chapter 1

Bros til the end

Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog or any related characters

It was a day like any other. Jakob woke up late and got dressed and went on downstairs to see his best friend and room mate, Sonic the hedgehog on the couch playing a game of call of duty.

"You pwning?" Jakob asked his friend while shaking his head to flip his hair out of his eyes.

"You bet your ass I am, grab a controller bro" Sonic replied.

After an hour or so, Sonic got up to get them some mountain dews. They drank it down heavily when Sonic asked Jakob a question

"Did you hear the latest from Ukraine? It's really sad to see how far Ukraine has fallen since the days of the Soviet Union, now there's neo-nazis everywhere, I hope the people there are safe from them." Sonic said.

"Yeah, I think it's really gross that the bourgeoisie media is portraying Russia as the aggressors and some leftists are using this crisis to argue that it's imperialist because of it. The majority of Crimeans wanted to be citizens of Russia and not the Ukraine, and Russia has historical and cultural ties and claims to Crimea regardless. " Jakob retorted.

After a lunch of chicken sandwiches and doritos, Sonic and Jakob hopped into their Honda Civic to drive to town to hang out with their good friend Knuckles. As they were driving down the road Jakob got a text message from his girlfriend, Demi Lovato.

"Hey bb are you free tonight? I miss you" it read.

"Of course. Come meet up with us at Knucks'!" Jakob replied.

After a short drive, they got out the car and knuckles greeted both of them with a big echidna hug. It's like a bear hug but when an echidna does it. "I've missed you guys so damn much!" Knuckles shouted.

"So did we" Sonic said.

They went inside and immediately started chugging mountain dews, gamers need their fuel.

"Ugh" knuckles said. "I Just wish Palestine would be free and Israel was liquidated already. I had to defriend another person from facebook just now who turned out to be a Zionist. No time for that shit in 2015. "Knuckles shook his head.

Just then, Jakob thought of a really good tweet and tweeted from his phone. It said "Why do they call it hanging out? No one's on any hooks here!" He looked at his joke approvingly and showed his phone to his bros and they laughed at how clever he is. There was a knock at the door and then Demi threw the door open and ran in to hug her boyf, Jakob.

"Boo boo!" She exclaimed before kissing him very romantically.

There was a loud rumble outside and the gang ran out to see what it was. They saw a plane wrecked on the ground as if it were shot by a missile (it was). Their peaceful Caribbean town on the island of Angelico was under attack by America!

"Oh no, everyone quick, get in my basement!" Knuckles shouted at the neighborhood. The gang all ran back in and hid in his basement while fighting went on outside. Demi got out a radio while the boys looked scared.

_This just in, American forces have attacked our island. Please seek shelter while we attempt to fight them off. Current motives for this attack are unknown but it is suspected due to our support of currently existing socialist states and criticisms of American imperialism by our leader, President Snow [from Final Fantasy XIII- author] The present is currently safe and again, he orders all citizens not currently in the military to seek shelter immediately._

Jakob looked in fear; he couldn't believe it had finally come to this. Angelico and America had been very uneasy in recent years as Angelico had recently had a revolution and was socialist now. America had denounced them for "human rights abuses" earlier this month but refused to elaborate just what those abuses were. Jakob then realized he had his Nintendo 3DS in his pocket so he got it out and played some Pokémon. He had already beat the elite four in Pokemon Black and had only owned the game for a few days. He decided to level up his trusty Zebstrika. Jakob really likes Zebstrika because he really loves zebras. Demi went down and put her arms around Jakob to make him feel better because she could tell he's afraid that they'll die. The sounds of gun fire outside were getting louder and closer.

"I know! Let's all sing a song" Sonic shouted. They then began to sing "Sing" by My Chemical Romance while Knuckles played bass guitar and sonic played guitar. They had a lot of fun and then played every song on Fall Out Boy's Folie A Deux. Jakob had stopped playing his 3DS at this point and had joined in on drums while Demi played the keyboard. They were having a lot of fun that they didn't even hear the all clear and that fighting had stopped! It wasn't until a few hours later that they realized it had been quiet for a long time and ventured upstairs when they found a dead American soldier inside. They turned on the tv and the news reporter, Caesar Milan, the dog whisperer, came on.

"Fighting today on the island of Angelico as American forces attempted to 'liberate' the people from socialism. Fortunately, the Cuban army arrived and helped Angelico quell the invasion. Tensions are still high and we have reports that the UN is investigating the matter and reprimanding America for this. Consequences still remain unknown. Zero civilian casualties have been reported so far."

"Well that's a relief" Jakob sighed.

Just then there was a knock at the door. WHO COULD IT BE?

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2: The Next Day

Bros til the End

CHAPTER TWO

After a wild day, Jakob went to answer the door at Knuckles' house. On the other side of the door was no one, and there was nothing there. Jakob looked at the aftermath of the battle that transpired earlier. He saw around a dozen dead bodies of indeterminate allegiance and people slowly returning to whatever it was they were doing earlier. Just then Sonic gave Jakob a huge hug from behind, because sometimes you have to let your friends know that you love them.

"Man, I can't believe we've been friends for so long, man" Sonic said.

"I know what you mean" Jakob replied.

"How long has it been?"

"Well it all started back in freshman year of high school with dicky dorkins"

FLASH BACK

Jakob was going to his first day of school since moving from Sweden to escape the cult of death which his family was a member of. It was your standard cult but only you had to murder someone once a year to continue being a member. Well, technically you could murder as many people as you wanted if you wanted a promotion within the social circle. Jakob left all of his friends and family to seek asylum in the People's Republic of Angelico. He had gone to his locker when suddenly someone knocked all his books out of his hand and they fell to the floor making a huge mess. _Well, won't be popular this year, either._

"Hey loser, looks like we got us some fresh meat!" Some asshole senior yelled, his hair seemingly white despite only being 18. Jakob turned around to see someone about the same height as him but who carried the air of someone who is constantly at war with the world, over nothing of importance.

"Ignore Richard, no one likes him" A blue hedgehog told Jakob. Well they certainly don't have those in Sweden.

"Thanks. I'm Jakob by the way" he retorted.

"Sonic's the name."

Jakob found out he had every single one of his classes with Sonic and the two were quickly becoming best pals, they were constantly cracking jokes and pulling pranks on everyone else. After a few weeks, Jakob couldn't take it anymore.

"we gotta do something about that Richard jabroni" Jakob said.

"I feel you bro." Sonic replied.

So they challenged Richard Dawkins to a battle after school, winner would remain in Angelico and the loser would have to leave the island. Jakob had his trusty axe for an occasion like this, it was a family heirloom passed down since when his family were Vikings. Hrithr was its name and it would serve him well. Sonic had a spiked mace that he was pretty handy with. They thought they would tag team Richard and put an end to his reign of terror. Why only yesterday Richard spilled water on Jakob's pants and then told the whole school at the assembly Jakob pissed his pants. The nerve of that asshole! When the time finally approached, the whole student body gathered outside the school to watch the event transpire. It was the kind of thing you'd only speak about in whispers.

"Where's Dicky?" Sonic shouted.

As if summoned by his jest, the crowd began to part and Richard Dawkins strutted towards them. He was wearing full tactical armor like a marine would wear and carried two bronze cudgels; one in each hand. "I'm going to do to you what Neil Degrasse Tysen did to science on a regular basis in Seth MacFarlane's Cosmos" Richard Shouted. "Water you down until the fucking plebes eat your shit up day in and day out".

Jakob charged at him brandishing Hrithr and dodging each cudgel that were being thrown about as if they were lighter than air. Richard wasn't just thrusting them at Jakob he was slicing the air, and whenever he sliced the air, a jet hit Jakob and boy did that hurt. Sonic took advantage of his friend's opening and charged in and the sound of bronze on steel clashed through the air. Jakob jumped onto Richard's back while Sonic and Richard were in a deadlock and bashed Richard over the head with the flat of his axe. Hrithr was solid silver and it shimmered in the light as he held it over his head in victory.

"Looks like you just got a taste of what it's like to be owned, Dick." Jakob screamed

"I hate the neologism owned for 'scored a victory over' I have no intention of owning anyone, and nobody will ever own me" Richard meekly replied. The crowd carried Sonic and Jakob out on their shoulders to the nearest grocery store where they all got smoothies and chili dogs. Richard was forced to leave Angelico in disgrace and move to England.

END FLASHBACK

"Wow that was a wild time!" Jakob said.

They went inside and turned on the news, the news said it was safe to go out so they got back in sonic and Jakob's Honda civic with Demi Lovato and went to survey the damage. Well, lack of damage at least. Everything appeared to be perfectly normal in the neighborhood, perhaps even the entire island. As if a battle didn't just take place, aside from the dead body here or there there was seemingly no evidence anything out of the ordinary transpired at all.

"Uh oh, looks like we got a live one" Demi Said as she took out her twin daggers, Sol and Luna, that she always kept just in case a situation could call for it. What appeared to be half of a robot was approaching their car from the side of the road. If this robot were a humanoid creature it's body would have ended where it's torso was but since it's a robot it's silly to classify it as such. It was crawling around using only the two arms it had remaining—no lower half—and it was flipping cars over frantically looking for something. Demi got out of the car and did a frontflip on top of the robot and stabbed it and sliced it's neck off, putting the poor thing out of its misery.

"Hey boys I had fun but I think I need some me time" Demi told them.

Jakob understood, she often needed her space and it was part of what made their relationship work: that they understood that sometimes people need to be alone. Sonic and Jakob looked over the wreckage of the former robot while leaning against their Honda civic.

A few weeks had passed and life had returned to about as normal as it would ever be on Angelico. America had yet to answer for the attack and claimed to have no knowledge of the events. Jakob had just got home from his work making pizzas for the people and was ready to unwind.

"Scott Pilgrim the movie took everything bad about Scott Pilgrim the comics and then emphasized it while removing everything good" Jakob started.

"Yeah, and the video game references which were great in the comic, because the comic takes place in a video game, so of course there'd be references, just came off as childish and pandering in the movie."

"So much rampant misogyny, the idea that you have to defeat the exes of your partner and free her from their grasp is disgusting. The idea that a man can taint who a woman is to that degree."

"Yeah and in the comics it was clearly established that Gideon was a Mega Abuser and into mind control, and it was a gorgeous metaphor for dealing with abusive and getting over it through someone you love, but that was all lost in the movie due to those Hollywood fascist pig men."

"You're so fucking on point, dude, jesus Christ sonic, slow it down a notch I can't handle all this mad truth you're dropping".

Jakob then got a text from his good friend JP. JP was coming over so that they could play dungeons and dragons. JP was their dungeon master and he was known to be incredibly cruel. Jakob was looking forward to it: he loved a challenge.

JP had gotten in his car and was starting to drive when he decided he needed to get a cup of coffee. Nothing serious, just a spur of the moment coffee decision, because that's what adults do. There was a long line but the barista was a cute boy whose eyes seemed to sparkle in the autumn glow. You know that special kind of glow some autumn days get when the afternoon has an orange tint to it? Well it wasn't like that outside but it certainly felt that same way to JP when he looked into the barista's eyes. He couldn't look away, and before he knew it, the barista had his arms gripped tightly around JP's arms.  
"You'll never escape me." He seemed to sing, in a beautiful and melodious voice.

No matter how hard JP tried to look away he couldn't it was as if he was magnetized to the barista's eyes, he certainly didn't notice the fangs that had sprouted where there had been teeth, and he certainly didn't notice that there wasn't a single customer in this coffee shop, nor any other employees. If he had been more astute he would have realized that he had fallen victim to an incubus. The incubus bit down on JP's neck and JP was in ecstasy, but it was a little too sharp and reality came crashing down on him.

"What the fuck!?" JP shouted while grabbing a nearby broomstick and spinning it around like a martial arts staff. He cracked it over the head of the incubus and then he noticed the tail and wings.

"Not again! That's the third one this month!" JP groaned. He broke the broom in half and jammed the sharp remnants into where the heart of this beast would lie, if such a beast had a heart.


	3. Chapter 3: The Day After That

JP had just walked into Sonic and Jakob's House after a long detour at a coffee shop. Jakob ran in and gave him a big Swedish bear hug and then Sonic and JP pounded their fists like best buds.

"I missed you bro!" Jakob exclaimed.

"Me too man, I was busy and depressed for a while. Life got me down but things are looking up for me now" Jp replied.

"Wanna talk about it? Let's talk it out" Jakob then sat backwards in a chair and did a big brother pose for his younger friend.

"I was just sad and lonely because it'd been a year since I'd kiss anyone but then I met Victoria Justice and all that is changed now that I'm dating her"

"Ah, that feeling when you don't have a girlfriend can be debilitating" Jakob agreed.

Jakob and JP went into the living room where the entire gang was setting up to play a good night of Dungeons and dragons, why Demi, Jakob, JP, Sonic, Knuckles, and even President Snow was there!

"Whoa President Snow! It's an honor to dungeon master for you, dude!" JP said.

"Hey, no problem. I Love to hang out with the people and have a good time. Plus Serah is off visiting her sister so I had the night free" Snow replied.

They played a rousing game of dungeons and dragons that went very long into the night. After everyone had left Jakob and Sonic went to go to bed and were in their room. Jakob kept staring at his ceiling and thinking about how great his life is.

"Man I love you. Night!" Sonic said.

"Night night" Jakob mumbled.

The next day Jakob awoke with a start and got out his computer and went to tweeting about the recent events. He had a duty to his followers to let them know that America invaded Angelico. After that he thought of a good joke to make. He couldn't think of any so he went back to shit posting on his alt account. After an hour or so of memeing and bantering with his pals he decided to make a smoothie. Blueberries and strawberries today. He wondered where Sonic was because Jakob woke up after Sonic did. He turned on the tv and watched 5 episodes of Seinfeld before deciding to surprise his girlfriend Demi at the high school she teaches Spanish at. He got in his Honda Civic and drove listening to Lady Gaga's Born This Way album. "This is really good. These songs are all catchy." He thought.

He got his visitor pass from the front desk and saw that it was lunch time so he surprised Demi.

"Boo boo!" She shouted with mirth and glee. They kissed passionately and started laughing it up and after 15 minutes the bell rang and she had to teach a class again. Jakob had no idea what to do with his day so he went to the beach to watch the waves go in and out for a bit.

A large crocodile came out of the surf and got on his hindlegs and greeted Jakob

"Oh Vector! I haven't seen you in a hot minute" he said. Jakob then complimented Vector on his new headphones and gold chains.

Vector had just returned from a tactical espionage mission for Angelico and couldn't share any details.

Jakob asked him what the ocean is like, to be able to stay in it indefinitely.

"well it's much like the land, only different. You feel the current and you feel drawn by it. You can't merely stay still once you're out in the sea" he replied.

That got Jakob thinking and he said his goodbye and immediately rushed home to work on a new song on his guitar. He jammed it out but couldn't figure out a good chorus for it. He wanted to capture how sad he was but also simultaneously how happy he was to be dating Demi. Eventually Sonic came home after a day of work and they got to talking.

"Man have you heard the news about the latest celebrity mishap? What'll they do this time!?" Sonic shouted.

Jakob chuckled to himself. Life was alright on his island.


	4. Chapter 4: Mission 1: Brazil (Part I)

Jakob and Sonic were eating breakfast and watching a re-run of the _Fresh Prince of Bel-Air_ together when Jakob got a call on his phone. Jakob's face got gravely serious for a second and Sonic tried discerning what exactly was going on. He couldn't place it but when he got off the phone Jakob filled him in.

"Get this. That was president Snow and he assigned our gang a mission! He said if we pull this off there's more where it came from. An agent of Angelico has been in Brazil underground working with the Communist Party there trying to help stage a revolution, but he hasn't been heard from for days. Fearing the worst, we're being deployed in there to either return the body or bring the agent back safely. Since we aren't technically agents of Angelico yet there wouldn't be any diplomatic troubles were the Brazilian government to discover us. " Jakob explained.

"This sounds like a blast. I take it the whole gang is gonna be here for this?" Sonic asked.

"Only one way to find out." Jakob answered.

The boys got dressed and ready for the day and hopped in there bromobile and put in their Smash Mouth albums in the cd changer and grooved their way over to Angelico's airport. They were having a blast and when they arrived they got out of the car with huge smiles on their faces and big songs in their hearts. They found two soldiers in the military uniform of Angelico in the lobby of the airport and Demi, JP, and Knuckles were gathered around.

The soldiers escorted them onto the tarmac where they found a large helicopter (much larger than a commercial class one) and they boarded it. The soldiers saluted them goodbye after explaining that their mission briefing and dossier would be located under their seats.

"This is your pilot speaking, Sazh Katzroy, and we will be departing sunny Angelico shortly. If you look out the window you'll see the skyline of our capitol, Azure Tides, we will be arriving in Brazil in about 3 hours from now, it should be smooth sailing until then." Sazh informed them.

"So I'm like so damn excited for this!" Demi said, with a lot of pep. She was wearing hot pink shorts and a black tank top and had her twin daggers, Sol y Luna, in her special holsters located above her knees. JP nodded from the back and was busy disassembling his spear and storing it in pockets in his trenchcoat. He then went asleep. Knuckles was busy putting on his special combat gloves and reading the mission out loud so that they were all familiar with the parameters.

"I'll be dropping you off on a library in Rio and you'll have to look on the campus, it's a known meeting place for the Communist Party". Sazh began.

"You have 3 hours to return with or without the agent and then I depart, stranding you in Brazil". Sazh finished.

They all turned the pages of their mission briefing to see the dossier of the agent. To their surprise it was local celebrity, Pojo the magic bear. A bear known for her ability to sing and dance as well as her ability to perform many stage illusions. It was magic in the figurative sense not the literal sense, as since we all know, magic is rather real.

"Oh dang we're gonna meet Pojo! I've been a fan of hers since I was a kid!" Knuckles exclaimed.

They were all looking out the window in silence and enjoying the Caribbean sea when Jakob and Sonic locked eyes with each other and then took a deep breath.

"someBODY once told me the world was gonna roll me." they sang

"I ain't the sharpest tool in the sheeeeeed" JP joined in.

Before they knew it they were all, Sazh included, singing the entire discography of Smash Mouth with each other and the helicopter ride was even more fun than the car ride, if you'd believe it.

They landed on the roof of the largest of Rio's public libraries on the helipad and got out and took the stairs to the ground floor. They looked like a crew of bad ass cool kids, because that's exactly what they were. They tried to play it cool and didn't talk to any locals as the soldiers instructed them to do. It wouldn't have done them any good to speak to any of the locals because they didn't speak Portuguese. They were fluent in English and Spanish as all citizens of a nation in the United Socialist Islands of the Caribbean all were, and Polish in JP's case and Swedish in Jakob's case. They were about to leave the library and go to it's campus to begin investigating where Pojo was when Jakob accidentally locked eyes with one of the librarians. He moved slowly and kept staring into his eyes. Jakob was losing touch with all the world except for those warm and kind eyes he saw. The librarian leaned over the counter and said "hey there sugarlips. I'm Andressa" he flirted.

"I'm. I'm Kajob. I mean Jakob. I'm Jakob." Jakob reluctantly spit out of his mouth. He never had talking to strangers but something about this guy was different. He was sweet and though they had just met, Jakob could tell he was special. The group realized Jakob wasn't with them and doubled back, to find Andressa sprawled across the counter on his side licking his lips.

"What the FUCK are you doing?!" Demi screamed.

"This is NOT what it looks like!" Jakob replied, hurredly.

"It looks like this CREEP is trying to prey on my man!"

"Oh please. He was never yours to begin with." Andressa said as he got down off the counter and walked towards demi. They were staring at each other when Demi jumped at him and wrestled him to the ground. They were rolling around on top of him when a crowd started to gather around to watch. Andressa punched Demi in the stomach and then got up. Demi got up too and reached for Sol y Luna. One blade a glistening gold, the other silver. She started twirling them around in her hands when Andressa looked at them for a second.

"Oh fuck" he said and dropped a smoke bomb and ran away.

"Yeah you better run away! My ass is way fatter than yours! Eat shit fucker!" Demi shouted.

"This isn't the last of me, you. you. Vile Troll! You're nothing but a crew of Vile Trolls!" Andressa shouted as he ran away to a safe room within the library.

Demi holstered her daggers and looked at the group. JP, Sonic, and Knuckles were on the ground alternating between laughing and whooping it up at Demi for winning.

Jakob had turned seven shades of pink and didn't want to be seen at all.

"Excuse me, Mister. What the heckie was that?!" Demi shouted at him.

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
